duck

finally thursday night after waiting for it to defrost from saturday night i cooked my christmas duck with brown rice liver stuffing... mostly it was a disaster. almost all fat. no meat. screwed up the gravy royally. couldn't cook my birthday cake and the duck too. watched a dutch french documentary on ducks geese and other migratory birds while it cooked.

didn't east all day. the stuffing in the bird busted the stitching. it was delicious with its tang candied lemon overwhelming almost all other tastes. didn't bother shelling pistachios. used cashews.

after that i discovered "pineapple express" on youtube. missing about 5 minutes: it's delight to watch james franco. his physical comedy is SO heterosexual. he's delicious but so much more muscled and beefy than he used to be in the spiderman movies.  it's hard to imagine he's got an IQ somewhere above the srtatosphere. the movie is so sophomoric that even watching him was enough to make it worthwhile put up with displays of male entitlement run amok.

if watching abdel with male friends hadn't given me the insight into men being men, i wouldn't have had the tolerance to sit through it. it took so long going through the less than ten minutes segments i ended up oversleeping prayers again. m. woke me up.

i was so disoriented from sleep. he came to get the money i promised him for his goalie gloves. we looked at gloves from germany on line, 200, 300, 500, 600 TL. 350-500 Euro. and upwards. i wanted so much just to buy him the best ones you could get but i restrained myself. but i couldn't stop myself from crying. gave h'm every penny i had in the house, 189TL 75kuruş. 

then he went home and slept till 8:30. never bought the gloves he needed more than anything. he came and we went shopping. i took a thousand from the ATM, and spent 250 at Onur. 50 or so for m. and also another 20TL for d's telephone.

explained to m that being in love means not wanting to abuse use exploit someone no matter how willing they are to be used. like when u stood before me hot and showered offering himself, and i pretended not to notice. a life of regrets.

my farewell goodnight sermon to him was on using a toothbrush, and other prophylactics as the need arises.

he wants me to teach him english. we'll see.